My toaster scares me more than this film

Reading some of the positive reviews that Dark House has received makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, but then I remember: no, there is something wrong with this film.

I have always been a horror buff, so I forgive the inevitable cliché moments that are trademark to the genre. But I just found this film to be absolutely hollow. I was hoping for a fun spooky journey, but instead was served: shockingly bad acting (on some of their parts, not all), and a completely predictable, bland storyline. It felt like the equivalent of the not-funny uncle at a family reunion trying desperately to make everyone laugh; only in this case the aim was to scare.

By nature I am quite jumpy, even the sound of the toast popping out of the toaster can make me jump out of my skin. But I can honestly say I did not even flinch, and was bored to the point of comatose. I like it when horror movies look mildly makeshift or amateur, or have a grungy misguided feel, as it can make them more genuine and edgy; but this just looked like something pieced together by a bunch of pretentious film students assigned a last-minute project. Without adding any spoilers, all I can say is that the transitions, layering of footage, and the embarrassing fonts flashing up for the hologram error were like something a first-time filmmaker would put together in paint shop or movie-maker.

It’s just a shame that with the advancements that have been made in the film industry, the visuals or atmosphere could not even compensate for the lack of storyline. I’ve seen films on much lower budgets, and made back in the day where there were no technical advantages, irrefutably better than this waste of time. I couldn’t even laugh at it.

Unlike Darin Scott, film makers such as Ji-woon Kim could have taken this tale and made it terrifying.

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17 responses

  1. Is it just me, or is making a good horror film particularly hard? Horror films reminds me of the relationship I have with independent films. For every 10 movies you watch, 9 are a letdown. But that 1 movie that you just loved makes you watch 10 more just to try and find the next gem.

    • On the contrary it is one of my favourites! It haunted me for ages afterward, and was just so well made, that’s why I mentioned Ji-woon Kim at the end of my post actually, I had that exact film in my mind when I mentioned him so now I’m scared that you may be psychic haha

      • If I was psychic I might have been smart enough to realize he was the director. haha. For some reason when I was thinking of good films you might like that one popped in my head. I saw it once probably 6 years ago, but it was the first I thought of.

    • You could have named any of the films he’s directed or written though! So I’m still impressed! I added you to my blogroll the other day by the way, I only just worked out how to make one. Also, might I set a challenge for you; to write a blog post naming 15 of your favourite films at some point in the future

      • I have no blogging plans for tomorrow (Although I never really have an idea what to write about until it’s halfway written) so I will give it some thought and post some of my favorites. Will you post your top movies too? You can school me on what good films actually look like.

    • Sure, I’ll post some now, the other day there was a task on the dreaded facebook where you have to think of 15 favourite films, but only the first ones that come to mind, so I’ll put that up now. The only thing is it misses out so many of my favourites. I’m curious to see yours, you can school me on a few

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